“So where do we go from here?” John said. He and Sofi were sitting together on our couch after our final Alpha get-together.

“What do you mean?”

“We want to help out with the next Alpha Course if you let us,” Sofi said.

“And we want to attend your church on an ongoing basis as well,” John said. “We will still go to Sofi’s church as well, but they have services on Saturday night so no problem.”

“Sounds good,” I said. “We would be glad to have you and you are more than welcome to help with the next Alpha Course. It starts in two months from now.”

Then everyone was silent for a moment. My wife got up to pour some drinks for everyone. I saw Sofi nudge John as if to get him to ask another question, or maybe the same question again. Which he did.

“So where do we go from here?” John said again. “Isn’t there something more to do? I thought going to church and helping out here and there was only sort of the basics.”

“That’s true,” I said. “Are you ready for more?”

“You told us last time,” Sofi said, “that we should be ready to suffer for the gospel and be ready to die for God if it was necessary. In your blog, you called that radical discipleship.”

“We want some of that,” John said.

I looked at them carefully wondering if they were ready for the next steps in their walk with God. But it wasn’t really up to me. If they were asking, they were ready.

“My suggestion is that you learn to live dangerously,” I said and then waited.

“You always have the ability to surprise me,” John said smiling. “What do you mean, like parachuting, rock climbing or swimming with sharks?” I could see the twinkle in his eye.

“No, of course not.” I smiled. “I mean that you need to live dangerously for God, but you have to learn to do it in a particular way.”

Everyone just looked at me.

“On the one hand, you have to let God guide you through your next steps,” I said. “Whether you go to this church or that one, whether you have two kids or five, whether you live in Buenos Aires or Tel Aviv. You have a lot of leeway to make some of these decisions yourself, but God may or may not give you specific input as well. Learn to listen with open and obedient hearts and ask for advice from other Christians as well.”

“And?”

“Well, on the other hand, it is more about your attitude and mindset than anything else,” I said. “Paul said that we should have the mind of Christ, meaning that we should have his same way of thinking about things, his passions, his priorities, his plans.”

“That makes sense,” John said.

“Yes, until you realize that he was willing to do anything to bring the good news to other people. That was his priority in life. That is the only reason why the sun comes up in the morning according to Peter in one of his letters. His plan is to rescue as many people as possible before they die or before the end of the world comes as we know it.”

“That’s why we want to help with the Alpha Course,” Sofi said.

“And that’s a great start,” I said with a smile. “But you should also learn how to explain the good news of Jesus Christ to people yourself. That way God can use you in one-to-one situations as well. More flexibility.”

“I like that,” John said. “I have some friends that I have been trying to convince to come to the Alpha Course. So far, they are ignoring me.”

I got up from my chair and started pacing in front of them as they sat on the couch sipping their coffee. My wife was smiling. She knew what I was going to say.

“Paul called it the Ministry of Reconciliation, meaning restoring people to a new relationship with God and with each other through the cross,” I said. “I call it the Way of the Cross and it includes a lot of things but is focused on confession, repentance, forgiveness, and reconciliation.”

“Yeah, I read one of your blog posts about that recently,” Sofi said. “You seem to think that it is the heart of the matter for Christians.”

“Yes, I do,” I said. “And not easy to do and bloody dangerous.”

“Dangerous?” John said.

“I know of a guy who was trying to save his marriage and was asked by his pastor to confess everything he could think of before her and the pastors. So, he did. It wasn’t so terrible, but it wasn’t so great either. A bit shocking for his wife and she took it as confirmation that he wasn’t someone she loved anymore. So, she left him and took the kids with her.”

“So, he did the right thing, according to God, and instead of forgiving him, she used it against him,” Sofi said.

“Exactly.”

“Yeah, I can see why that is a bit dangerous,” John said. “I’m not sure that I want to reveal all of my weaknesses and darkness to anyone. Some things should stay in the dark.”

“Haven’t you told me everything about yourself, sweetie?” Sofi smiled at him.

“Yeeeaaahhh,” John said, drawing it out slowly. “But seriously, guys, who wants to hang their dirty laundry out for everyone to see?”

“It has to be done appropriately and in the right context, for sure,” I said. “But it still has to be done. If not, it will stink up your relationships with God and with others and come back to bite you.”

“If you don’t confess your sins, how can anyone forgive you?” My wife threw her two cents worth into the pot. “Especially if you are in the process of repenting.”

“What is repenting again?” John asked.

“It means turning around, changing your behavior, and going in the opposite direction,” I said. “You can only do it by faith and with the help of God and your church friends, but it is a necessary part of the process.”

“Yes, but it makes you look weak,” John said.

“So true, John.” I nodded in agreement. “In fact, it downright destroys your ego and any residual arrogance you might have in your heart. You look bad. You are bad. You need help. You are weak and humiliated and rightly so. Paul says that it is when you are weak that God has the opportunity to be strong in you.”

“I don’t think I understand,” John said.

“Well, let me put it this way,” I said. “The most embarrassing thing in heaven or earth is the arrogance of those who should be ashamed of themselves. Sadly, that applies to all of us.”

“I read that in your blog,” Sofi said.

“Wait a minute,” John said. “Are you saying that the humility and weakness of a sin confessed is like an antidote for the arrogance of a sin that is ignored, or condoned?”

“Exactly,” I said. “Now listen carefully, because this is the heart of the matter. You can go to church, be involved in the Alpha Course, study your Bible, and pray daily and still not be a Christian.”

“Really?” Sofi looked surprised. God was doing something in her, but I wasn’t sure yet what it was. Maybe my wife knew.

“Yes, really,” I said. “You can even be a Pastor or a Missionary and not make it to heaven.”

Now John was getting concerned. I could see it in his eyes.

“You can do miracles, exorcise demons, and bring people into the Kingdom of God and still miss the boat,” I said, making the point clear.

“Are you making this up,” John said. “Now I’m confused again.”

“This comes straight from the mouth of Jesus in John 17.” I grabbed my Bible and turned to the verse and read it to them.

“Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?’ Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’

“He even called them evildoers,” my wife said. “That’s a hard verse.”

“Yes, it is,” I said. “But the verse also clarifies for us what God is interested in. We are easily distracted by a lot of good things, but he wants us to focus on the relationship with him. He says that he never knew them and that was what the problem was.”

“So, what does that mean to know God,” John said. “If we study the Bible, we will get to know what God is like, won’t we?”

“Yes and no,” I said. “We will know about God, but we won’t necessarily have a relationship with him?

“Ok, so what is the answer already,” John said. His impatience was getting the better of him.

“You can have spiritual fruit in your lives and even have something that looks like the gifts of the spirit, but the truth is that it can all be counterfeited. There is only one thing that is true and sure that proves that you have the Holy Spirit within you and that you really have a relationship with God.”

“Out with it already,” Sofi said. She was getting agitated as well.

“I told you already,” I said, drawing it out a bit more. Did I tell you that I liked to tease people? “I call it the Way of the Cross and I told you that it is a dangerous way to live for God and that it has everything to do with the Ministry of Reconciliation.”

“Just a second,” John said. “Let me think.” He stared at the coffee table in front of him while his mind struggled with the idea. “If being arrogant about sin is the worst thing, then the best thing, from God’s point of view, is to be humbled and embarrassed by sin. That’s what happens when you confess your sins. It makes you look bad and weak and ashamed.”

“Exactly, but that is only the first step.”

“Then comes repentance,” my wife said, “or does forgiveness come first?”

“That is a good question, actually,” I said. “Without forgiveness and reconciliation, a lifestyle of repentance is not possible. It really is a whole package all at the same time.”

“I think it is important to remember that the cross was necessary to deal with sin,” my wife said, “so the only way to honor that sacrifice is to confess that sin, be forgiven, get reconciled with God, and then live a lifestyle that goes in the other direction.”

“Now you’re getting it,” I said. “But always remember that being ashamed of your sin is not enough. There are people in the world who are ashamed of what they have done but they are still not saved. Shame must give way to love at the foot of the cross. You have to give your shame to Christ and receive his love in return. He becomes the sinner and you become the saint.”

“That makes sense,” Sofi said. There were tears in her eyes and I wasn’t sure why.

“It is always about the cross,” I said. “This isn’t your normal idea of forgiveness or reconciliation that you hear from therapists and psychologists around the world. They just tell you to forgive because it's good for you and you have to learn to move on in your life. That’s not good enough.”

“What is forgiveness, then,” Sofi asked. Her eyes darted around and wouldn’t meet mine.

“First of all, you have to accept that whatever the sin is, it is serious business and puts you at odds with God. Every sin is worthy of hellfire. But it doesn’t stop there because Jesus died for your sins. He took it upon his shoulders so that you could be free of it even though it was your fault.”

Now Sofi was weeping quietly, and I didn’t know what to do. My wife got up and sat beside her and put her arm around her shoulders. John just stared at the floor. I decided to keep going.

“Sin is serious business whether you are the one who does it or whether it is done to you. In both cases, God wants to ask you a question.”

“He does?” John said, looking up.

“Yes, he wants to ask you a question that is rooted in what Jesus did on the cross. Will you accept the torture and death of my Son as sufficient payment for your sin? If you can’t, you won’t be able to forgive yourself or others. God doesn’t take it lightly. Sin is serious business but so is dying on the cross. Is it sufficient for your sin or the sins of others against you?”

“Is that why Jesus said in the Lord’s prayer that you can’t be forgiven if you don’t forgive others?” John glanced sideways at Sofi as if he were talking to her indirectly.

“Exactly,” I said. “If the cross isn’t sufficient for us to forgive or be forgiven then there is no good news, and we are all doomed to hellfire. There is no other way.”

I shut up and started to pray. Something was going on with Sofi. And then suddenly I knew what it was. But she had to make up her own mind.

Silence.

Sofi had stopped weeping but was still dabbing at her eyes with a paper towel. Then she spoke quietly so that I almost didn’t hear her. “I almost killed my baby, how can I be forgiven for that?”

Nobody wanted to talk. It was a sacred moment. It was God’s turn.

Sofi sighed deeply.

“You’re right,” she said. “There is no other way. If it isn’t enough, then nothing is.”

She sniffled a bit and then raised her head to look at me with red-rimmed eyes.

“I assume that you all know what I almost did. John told me that he talked about it with you.” Then she looked at my wife quickly and apologized. “I’m sorry that I never shared it with you. I was so ashamed.” And then the weeping began again.

My wife just hugged her tightly, soothing her with her voice. After a few minutes, she looked at me again, a bit fiercely, and spoke. “What must I do to be forgiven?”

Everyone looked at me.

“Just ask,” I said. “And answer the question. Is the cross enough? That’s all it takes.”

“Ok, I’m asking,” Sofi said, a bit too loudly, as if she wanted to make sure that God was listening. “Yes, I want to be forgiven.” And then a bit more quietly, “even though I don’t deserve it.”

“Join the club,” John said softly.

“And what is the answer to God’s question?” I asked.

“Yes, the cross is sufficient payment for my sin of almost committing abortion on my child.” And then she was crying again.

“Then you are forgiven,” I said simply.

“Wait, Pastor, I’m not done,” Sofi said. “That may be my biggest sin, but I have a lot of others as well and I’m not even sure that I’m a Christian. I want to take care of that as well. What do I say?”

“Just ask,” I said again. “It really is that simple.”

She looked at me with fierce eyes again as if determined to make a clean sweep of it and said loudly, looking straight at me, through me really.

“I ask you God to forgive all my sins because of the cross of Jesus which is sufficient for everything I have ever done.”

“Or ever will do,” my wife said.

“Yes, that too,” Sofi said. She smiled through her tears as she tried to wipe her eyes with her fingers. “Do I get a free pass forever to keep on screwing up?”

“Yes, you do,” I said. “The same is true with John in your marriage by the way. The question is do you want to screw up and hurt John, or God, again and again. You will make mistakes but certainly you won’t do it on purpose with your free pass, will you?”

“No, of course not.”

“Well, that brings us to the final question that God asks us in this process of reconciliation.”

“What?” Sofi and John said at the same time.

“Now you have to decide how you are going to treat yourselves and others after you have forgiven them. This is important. It is easy to slip back into bitterness and resentment if you don’t get this right.”

I looked at them intently.

“You talked about a free pass, Sofi, and it certainly can feel that way sometimes. You got off the hook pretty easily. Jesus took your punishment, and you get forgiveness. A good deal for you. Other people can take issue with that if they aren’t careful. You can too when you are learning to forgive yourself.”

“What do you mean?” Sofi asked quietly.

“The mind can play tricks on you and the Devil can try to deceive you and others can simply not believe that it is true, but you have to be clear about something. This is not a free pass but rather a very expensive pass. The difference is that Jesus paid the price and not you. And why? Because it was a price that was too high for you to pay. Impossible, in fact. So, it was paid on your behalf.”

“Ok,” Sofi said slowly.

“What that means is that God is going to ask you one more question which is whether you will treat yourself or the other person who sinned against you as they are in Christ or as they are in the flesh.” I paused. “Let me try to put that another way. Will you treat the person that sinned against you as a sinner who might sin against you again and again or as a person who is perfect in the sight of God? And here is the kicker, even if they do continue to sin against you?”

“God does that for us,” my wife said.

“Yes, he treats us as we will be on that final day when we are presented before him perfect and spotless. But he does that right now knowing that that is the true person that we are even though we still sin right now.”

“Is that what reconciliation is?” John asked. “Treating people as truly forgiven and cleaned up based on what God promises to do with them?”

“Yes, now you are getting it,” I said. “Treating yourself and others as you will be and as you are because of Christ even though you are still in process. That is how God treats us. We are righteous in Christ, forgiven sinners. And that is how we should see ourselves and others. It takes work but that is the essence of the ministry of reconciliation rooted in the cross.”

“Is that why you guys never gave me a hard time about the abortion?” Sofi said.

“The almost-abortion,” John said.

“We were waiting for you to be ready to talk about it,” my wife said.

“Welcome to your new life,” I said, grinning from ear to ear.

“And welcome to living dangerously for God,” John said. “I can see why it’s dangerous, but I can also see how powerful and effective it is. We’re in.”

He gave Sofi a hug and they both laughed out loud.