Jonathan Edwards, the great American theologian during the Great Awakening, claims that almost everything in the Christian life can be counterfeited. Raising our hands and singing songs of worship is no guarantee that we are filled with the Holy Spirit. Doing works of charity is no indication that we are necessarily even Christians.

The Devil can counterfeit miracles and signs and wonders according to the Book of Revelations (Rev. 19:20 NIV) and even Jesus said that there would be those who cast out demons and do many miracles in his name, but they would be rejected on that last day (Matthew 7:21-23 NIV).

Those are scary words indeed. What do we make of all of that? What can we count on as a clear indication of the presence and work of the Holy Spirit in our lives? According to Jonathan Edwards, only the humility of true confession is a genuine sign of the presence of the Holy Spirit in our lives. I agree but I would go further.

I call it the Way of the Cross and it consists of four “stations” called Confession, Repentance, Forgiveness and Reconciliation. And precisely because it is rooted in the cross, it cannot be counterfeited when it is followed properly and biblically. After all, the Devil is not stupid. He is trying to counterfeit even that wonderful, powerful ministry of reconciliation with worldly concepts of forgiveness and half-hearted reconciliation. After all, he isn’t really interested in healing relationships at all, especially with God much less with others.

The world would encourage you to forgive someone because it is good for you. You need to move on in life. Find someone or something to love. Forgive and put it behind you. Move forward with your life. All true in and of itself. But what is it based on, and does it produce healing in your life and your relationships? No, but perhaps that is too much to expect from their perspective.

You see, that is the great power and purpose of Christianity.

It is about the power to heal relationships with God and others. To heal them and put them back the way they were before the “sin event” happened. We all know what I am talking about. You have this relationship of grace where you get along well with the other person. You screw up either on purpose or without intention and it changes the relationship. Trust is lost. Grace is no longer given. Everything becomes brittle and difficult. How do you come back from that?

Sometimes a simple apology will do the job but most often the relationship is broken and simply joins all of the other broken relationships lying in the wake of your journey through life. We all get to our deathbeds wishing we could reconcile with certain people, regain their love and their trust, and somehow, someway reverse the damage we have done in life to the ones we love the most.

Not so easy to do.

At least not for those who aren’t dedicated to the Way of the Cross. But for those who are willing to allow the cross to occupy a central place in their lives and relationships, it is all very possible. There are still some barriers to overcome but the power of God in the cross can resurrect even the most stubborn of dead relationships. So much so, that the surprising fact of reconciliation between two long-standing “frenemies” has sparked entire revivals.

So, what is this Way of the Cross and why can’t it be counterfeited by the Devil or the world?

Let’s take a look at some of the details. First of all, comes confession. Confession is only possible when there is humility. Can non-Christians confess their faults? Yes, they can but they don’t call them “sins.” Like the prodigal son who confesses to his father that he has sinned against heaven and his father (Luke 15:21 NIV), Christian confession is specifically a confession not of faults but of sin.

Paul tells us that there is a difference between worldly sorrow and godly sorrow over our faults and mistakes. In 2 Corinthians 7:10 he says, “Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.” By calling it “sin” you are also saying that it has been dealt with on the cross where Christ died for all of your sins.

By calling it a “fault” or “mistake” it stays with you, it is still your responsibility to change and that may not be so easy to do. The sin that is forgiven because of the cross empowers the process of reconciliation. Faults that are not forgiven lead to the death of the relationship because there is no hope for change (and is the root cause of physical death under the curse of God at creation as well).

And don’t for a second think that this is an easy process to confess your sins to another person. I know of a man who was getting relationship advice from his Pastor because his marriage was falling apart. The Pastor encouraged him to confess all of his sins to his wife (and she would do the same thing to him) in the presence of the Pastor and his wife. He agreed. He went first. After a few hours of transparency, his wife spoke only for a few minutes and the meeting was over. She used all of that “transparency” as grounds for a divorce, full custody of the children, leaving the country illegally with the children, and even charges of potential abuse (sexual and otherwise) toward the children.

Just because you confess doesn’t mean the other person will forgive you. God will. You need to forgive yourself, of course. But other people are a crap shoot. Depends if they are Christians and, even more, whether they love you and love God enough to do things His way. It is rarer than you might imagine even, and especially, in the church (and from the leaders of the church). Rather than a culture of grace, for many churches, there is only a culture of merit and judgment that isn’t helpful for those walking the Way of the Cross.

For now, it is important to understand that it isn’t just the first step of confessing your sins one to another that can’t be counterfeited but also repentance. After all, true confession, according to Paul, leads to repentance. Repentance is only possible because there is forgiveness available because of the cross.

Repentance is a walk of faith in the power of God within you to empower your efforts to change your ways and deal with your sins. Now that the Holy Spirit is involved, we aren’t just trusting the person to have strong willpower or a consistent effort towards a goal but rather we are trusting the Holy Spirit within them to change their hearts, to change their minds, to change their behavior at the root of the problem. It takes time and there may be barriers, detours, and problems along the way but so long as they are on the journey of repentance (which is our discipleship) in the context of ministry, we can trust the process.

The central truth is the nature of forgiveness as rooted in the cross. Whether you need to receive forgiveness or give it, the concept is the same. This is not the weak-kneed forgiveness of the world that is rooted in your own ongoing need to move on with your life. This is a powerful source of forgiveness that brings healing not only to those who are being forgiven but especially to those who are doing the forgiving.

I can imagine a lot of people not wanting to forgive people at all.

It seems rather fake after all. Not fair. Unjust. How can I forgive that person who killed my daughter? How can I forgive my husband who cheated on me and destroyed our family?

It isn’t just about the sin itself but about the relationship, you see?

The sin is bad enough but the fact that the person was willing to do it knowing how much it would hurt you tells you that they don’t care for you, they don’t love you like you thought they did. It is the broken relationship that is the problem. How can that truly be healed?

Do you think saying you are sorry is enough? Sometimes but usually not. What if you make a promise not to do it again (some form of repentance)? Will that help? Maybe, but probably not.

Your promises are rooted in your own strength and character, and you already demonstrated that that isn’t very strong. Perhaps you are truly sorry for the consequences of what you did but are you truly sorry for the sin itself? True repentance is empowered by God through the presence of the Holy Spirit. Promises of better behavior are not.

At the end of the day, the problem is one of justice. Not revenge (although that often masquerades as justice). Many times people don’t want to forgive simply because it feels like a betrayal. It just isn’t right to let them off the hook so easily. It matters too much just to let it go.

Sweeping it under the rug or just letting them get away with it only works for small stuff. Peter tells us in 1 Peter 4:8 that “love covers a multitude of sins.” True but usually smaller ones. That is when grace is given for people not to be perfect but still have good intentions to respect and care for the relationship.

But what do you do with your enemies? What do you do with those who hurt you deeply or the ones you love? What do you do with the guy who raped and killed your daughter? These may be extreme cases, but it demonstrates the point I want to make. There is a sense of injustice in the worldly concept of forgiveness, and we have a hard time letting that go. And rightly so.

God does just the opposite.

He starts by pointing out that the sin against you is deserving of eternal hell. The relationship is everything, not just the sin. That lack of care and respect for the relationship puts people in hell since hell is relational. Without forgiveness and reconciliation, nobody could exist in heaven neither with God nor with each other. It is essential for our heavenly coexistence.

So, if you are talking to God about this person who has sinned against you, He will agree that it is a sin that is deserving of eternal hell. He doesn’t take sin lightly as we know. Sin is such a big deal with God that it took the death of his beloved son to deal with it. So, we can start with that truth. God’s justice, in the end, will demand eternal punishment in hell for the sins of this person against you (and for your sins against others).

But now He has a question for you.

After all, Christ came to die on the cross for our sins. So, whether the person who sinned against you is a Christian or not, God is going to ask you if the death of Christ is sufficient payment for this sin against you. Yes, the sin deserves the justice of Hell but the cross of Christ is sufficient payment for God to forgive that person. The question is whether or not it is sufficient payment also for you.

And be careful here. There is no double standard allowed. “Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us” (Matthew 6:9-13 NIV) is the Lord’s Prayer that Jesus taught us. If we don’t accept the cross of Christ as sufficient payment for sins against us, how can we ask God (or others) to accept it as sufficient payment for the sins we commit against other people?

That’s why this act of forgiveness can’t be counterfeited.

It is rooted in our relationship with God through the cross. It is because we are so grateful for our forgiveness that we can apply that same thankfulness to the forgiveness of others. If we find it difficult to forgive others, we need to look to our own relationship with God as the source of the problem.

And so, in the same way that true confession will lead to empowered repentance, true forgiveness will lead to empowered reconciliation. Is that true? Are you able to reconcile with everyone who you forgive? No. Sadly, it isn’t true. What I mean is that true forgiveness on your part will lead to empowered reconciliation on your part as well (not necessarily on their side). That isn’t to say that forgiveness on your side and true, empowered reconciliation can’t lead to a fully healed relationship at some point but that is a second step (and when it happens, great anointing from God will often follow).

For now, it is important to point out that God has another question to ask you once you have agreed that the death of Christ on the cross is sufficient payment for the sin against you. That alone starts to bring healing into your heart. Your sense of justice is assuaged. Your realization that this person who sinned against you could never pay the price to restore your relationship, they can’t go into the past and make it as if it never happened, they don’t have the power to change history or their character flaws. This is only something that Christ can do for them whether they are Christians or not. For them to become Christians they need to use the power of the cross to reconcile with God but, in the meantime, you can use the power of the cross to reconcile with them.

What do I mean?

The second question that God will ask you is whether or not you will treat this person as they are in Christ and not as they are in the flesh. Will you treat them as Christians? Will you deal with them as people who have been fully forgiven by the cross of Christ even if they aren’t Christians (yet) and even if they don’t forgive you or, worse yet, continue on in their sinful dealings with you? After all, that’s what God does with us. He deals with us as we are in Christ not as we are in our sin even though we continue to sin.

That’s what reconciliation is all about. It is powerful stuff.

And yes, you will need to be empowered to continue to love the other person and deal with them as they are in Christ even if they haven’t repented or even confessed their sins. Forgiveness isn’t dependent on confession when it is done to you. Forgiveness and reconciliation can be done by one party without the other party being involved. Is it true reconciliation? Yes. Is it full reconciliation? No. Sometimes that doesn’t happen until we are all before the throne of God on the last day (or not, and hell is the result).

The goal is to work towards true and full forgiveness and reconciliation on this side of the grave. It is a very powerful testimony to the power of the gospel in our lives when we are living with reconciled relationships “so far as it depends on you” (Romans 12:18 NIV).

On the one hand, the other person may take advantage of your “grace” towards them by thinking that they deserved your forgiveness and reconciliation, that they were not the ones in the wrong, and that they have nothing to confess. Maybe. That’s difficult to accept and your sense of justice will rear its ugly head again but simply go back to the cross and focus on the sufficiency of the cross of Christ and his death as payment for that sin. It doesn’t depend on the other but upon Christ. And Christ alone.

But the other scenario is also possible and that is what you should be praying for now that you are following the Way of the Cross and your prayers for that person are particularly “effective and powerful” (James 5:16 NIV). Pray for their salvation and that God would use your attitude of grace as a powerful testimony to them if they aren’t Christians yet. If they are, then pray that God would use your testimony of grace in forgiveness and reconciliation to “heap burning coals” (Romans 12:20 NIV) on their head so that they would be convicted by the Holy Spirit of their sin and be empowered also to seek forgiveness and reconciliation. Then the sparks of the anointing will start to fly, especially when this happens between Christians.

For non-Christians, it is an essential demonstration of your healed relationship with God and a testimony of the power of the cross in your life. For Christians, it can bring about spiritual unity (Psalm 133 NIV) that brings about the anointing that can spark conversions, miracles, and revivals.

That is reason enough to learn the Way of the Cross but, in addition, you will know beyond a doubt that you are a child of God and that the Holy Spirit is genuinely present and at work in your life.

After all, being the weakest link isn’t such a bad thing if you are being “weak” in the strength of God. And the only way to do that is to follow the Way of the Cross in the context of your Life Ministry.