I wish I were more of a leader. There I said it. And I'm not sorry.

I know that the Leadership Paradox states that those who seek power are the least able to handle it, but I'm not interested in power. I'm interested in influence. Spiritual influence. And according to the Bible, that is a good thing to seek (1 Timothy 3:1 NIV).

The problem is that I am not very good at it. Maybe I should stick to my books. The whole problem of church politics really kills me. I just don't know what to do with it and to preach against it just brings more problems, rejection, and pain to everyone.

But leaving aside the idea of being a Pastor or an Elder or other spiritual leader in the church, just to influence others for Christ would be welcome. After all, I have friends and family who are suffering, and I think I can help them. The problem is that they don't listen to me.

It's my fault really. I have unresolved issues with a lot of people. I only started learning how to live out the dynamics of forgiveness and reconciliation recently. I spent most of my life leaving a wake of destroyed relationships in my path. I guess it takes a while to get it cleaned up.

But still, there is a price to be paid for such sloppy work in my life.

My wife and I have a friend who is also going through cancer treatments and just had an operation. She seems to get hit by everything. Recently she almost died from dengue fever, and she always seems to be fighting some sort of health or family battle. She is a wonderful person and one of the best friends of my wife.

I wish I could have a real heart-to-heart talk with her. I would love to share with her my discovery that all suffering can become suffering for the gospel and that rather than focus on the suffering, she can transform it into ministry and find the beginnings of joy in what she is going through. It has brought me peace and I believe it would transform her whole perspective on what she is going through.

But it isn't likely that I will get the chance. I am not a spiritual leader in her eyes. Not that I have anything specific to resolve with her or her family but still it is difficult to have that spiritual conversation that other spiritual leaders in the church have the ability to ask for at the drop of a hat. Especially when there is tragedy or difficulty in the family.

And she isn't the only one.

It makes me want to weep sometimes at the wasted and lost opportunities for ministries that I have created because I haven't been careful enough to grow healthy, spiritual relationships with my family, friends, or in my local church.

It reminds me of the weeping prophet of Revelations 5. I always thought that he wept because of the evil in the world and wanted God to come in judgment to stop it and bring in a new age of peace and happiness. And I suppose there is some of that in there as well but that isn't why the prophet is weeping.

After all, this isn't Jeremiah, the weeping prophet of the Old Testament. This is John, the apostle of the gospel of Jesus Christ who is the weeping prophet of the New Testament. He is weeping because of the lost. He is weeping because there is no hope for mankind caught in the deceit of evil unless God intervenes. He is weeping because there was no one worthy in heaven or on earth to open the scroll of God's plan to save mankind from their sin. The Book of Revelations is one of the most gospel-oriented books in the Bible. Of course, the prophet is weeping.

And many revivals start that way as well, with people weeping for the lost. That's the way it started in Argentina. People began weeping for the country, for their families, for their churches, caught up in the religious spirit and the evil that had invaded Argentina through the military, and the many people who simply disappeared because of their political beliefs. Evil ran rampant but God intervened, and democracy had a chance.

It was a precious moment and spilled over into many areas of society. Weeping for the lost is exactly what God expects from us. He hears those groans and both Christ and the Holy Spirit groan with us (Romans 8:26-28). And his response is to raise up more spiritual leaders to lead his people back to the ministry of reconciliation to heal relationships with Him and with each other so that the anointing can flow, and lives can change.

In the meantime, here I am, sick at heart because I have no way to get through to the people closest to me. I would like to think that I am a prophet without honor in his own hometown, but the truth is that I am more like a leper that everyone avoids because I am difficult, too serious, and always needing to be right. Or at least I give that impression. I teach when I should listen. I get angry when I should be patient. I offend when all I want to do is help.

Spiritual Leadership isn't just about the requirements for getting there but about the price you pay for not getting there. Leadership is often avoided because not everyone wants to take on that kind of responsibility and they don't feel prepared spiritually to do the work of having spiritual conversations.

I get it. But I don't.

We are all educated beyond our obedience. If we don't learn to live in the grace and mercy of God ourselves, what hope can we bring to the people around us? Forget for a moment about the curse of church politics and the problems of the religious spirit, just think in terms of the people themselves. It isn't about administration but about influence. It isn't about positions but about relationships.

The first half of this book on Spiritual Leadership may be focused on the formal aspects of Leadership in a local church but everyone can benefit from an understanding of the Four Authorities, developing their own Spiritual Prayer Map, praying the twelve prayers with passion and conviction but, most of all, asking God to have a true burden and desire for glory.

If leadership is influence and not just position, there is room here for everyone. And everyone is needed. Not one of us can avoid our leadership role in our families and churches. Not one. To follow Christ is to become a spiritual leader, mature and effective in ministry in whatever form it takes.

The thing to remember is that there is a high price to pay when you avoid that leadership role in your spiritual walk. And when the storms come, either in your own life and family or in the lives of those you love or consider friends and brothers and sisters in Christ, you will not be ready to minister to them. Then your weeping will truly hurt, and you will have to ask God to send someone else to intervene in their lives and bring joy and peace to them as he has brought it to you.

The way is always the way of the cross. The first step is always confession, followed by a lifestyle of repentance. The power for healed relationships is always forgiveness and the goal is always reconciliation. But don't forget that all of this has a purpose. It is not an end in and of itself. It must transform lives. It must change suffering into ministry. It must bring joy and peace to those struggling with evil and death.

Otherwise, what does it matter?

The context of our discipleship and ministry of reconciliation is warfare. The question is whether or not we are ready. If we are, our weeping will turn to joy as we minister to others in the name of Christ. If we are not, our weeping will simply be for lost opportunities to make a difference in the lives of our loved ones, family, and church. The decision is always up to us. Just don't leave it until it is too late.