Good evening, Lord.  Thank you for another day in the desert with you.  This is now the third week of the Crowdfunding Campaign.  It hasn´t worked out the way that I thought it would.  I know that you are my provider and that without your anointing, nothing will happen anyway.  Do I have your anointing?  Am I in your will?  I believe with all my heart that you want me to write and that you have given me a message.  I wait for your deliverance, O Lord.

Perhaps, this is your way of saying that I need to go back to the original idea of making all of my stories available for free.  Not to involve myself in the commercial side of things at all.  To be transparent and bold and not ask for donations or sales, not ask for anything.  Just proclaim the message.  That way, no-one can say that I have an ulterior motive for what I write.  I like that approach, Lord.  In fact, I prefer it but you know that there are practical issues such as having the time to write and the costs of publishing.  Some financial resources are necessary.  Should I assume that you will provide for those resources in a different way and not through crowdfunding?  I wait for your resources, O Lord.

It is true that I feel rejected, Lord, but that is nothing new.  How many churches have I been in trouble with?  Not when I was far from you, but rather, each time when I was following you with all my heart.  It seems that each time I try to follow you, I get into trouble.  There seems to be so few people around who want to take discipleship seriously.  Is that fair?  Probably not.  But I can´t seem to find them.  Maybe I am spoiled by my experiences in Bible School.  They were good times.  We prayed together, sang together, studied the Word together.  There was a seriousness and a joy that I miss.  I can´t seem to find the fellowship.  I feel like I am in the desert alone.  I know, I know…..I am sounding like Elijah…..you always have your remnant, your people.

It´s just that doing anything in the church with the leaders more interested in politics than spirituality, with the people too busy to pay much attention outside of an hour or so on Sunday morning, with most people blissfully unaware of the spiritual power and blessings that are theirs for the asking….Lord, I find it difficult to understand.  Things that I took for granted as basic truths of any fellowship, I get into trouble for in the churches here.  I preach Jesus Christ, and get kicked out because the leaders are not exclusive about salvation.  I defend the right of the poor to come to church, even if they ask for money, and not only do they get kicked out, but I get kicked out too.  Beyond understanding.  Where are your people, Lord?  I need a fellowship of true believers that will stand with me, otherwise, who can stand?

It just seems that people are busy with a lot of good things but are willing to sacrifice the things that really matter.  Me too.  I have to watch myself.  Now, more than ever.  No more time to write.  Life is about making money and paying the bills. Save me, O Lord, from my own despair and give me the faith to keep moving in the direction of your will.  I wait for your anointing, O Lord.  I belong to you.  Amen.

The Desert Warrior

An Adventure of Grace – Our Crowdfunding Journey by Bert A. Amsing
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